Tag: happiness

A Married Life

You may not notice it at the beginning, but there are some surprising changes that will happen in our lives once we get married. 

Spending more than a decade of living away, it is natural to seek belongingness outside your comfort zone: friends, activities, hobbies, leisure, pleasure, travel, splurging and a lot more. More so, when you get used to your independence, you might not want anyone to control your life (I’ve had my share of stubbornness, inability to trust, insensitiveness, shortcomings, playing around and the likes) but that will surely change once you tied the knots.

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And here’s the list of changes that I have experienced.

1. Your Surname- Of course, the most obvious one.

2. Your time, commitment & priorities –  At this time you will find yourself putting your spouse who is now your family on top of everything and everyone else.

As for me, I would rather spend my time cuddling with husband on weekends, cleaning and arranging our small household, preparing home-cooked meals together (oh well, like what I’ve posted on my IG, who needs to dine out when you’ve got the best Chef at home named RJ, haha!), watch TV, and other stuff rather than my usual going out with friends on weekends or staying up late outside the night before.

You are more likely to go out with the husband alone or you would take your partner with you if you are hanging out with friends.

On a larger scale, this is the time when you set your priorities straight. Looking forward to more comprehensive goals together. A more detailed outlook. Your goals become their goals, and their goals become your goals, your dreams become their dreams and their dreams become yours shared together to achieve one steady output.

3. Your Money- You will start spending money in a different way now. You would not splurge like the way you do when you are single. You will learn how to control your spending habits and more likely to budget your individual expenses and buy only the necessary needs for the household and important expenses. More so, you will both work on how to save money for the future.

I would rather prepare food and eat at home with the husband. I don’t splash or have a sudden outburst on unnecessary leisure, pleasure, and extravagance anymore but rather learned how to spend wisely and with limitation.

4. No more secrets- Yeah, when you get married, this is no time for hiding secrets.  You have to reveal your real self, good or bad attitude, even those shameful ones, your habits, your weaknesses towards certain things, how would you like your food to be done, your eating and sleeping habits, your tantrums, likes and dislikes.

We started laying our lives on the table for the other to peek in. We never hide anything from each other even past stories, past relationships, past mistakes, future dreams, even our mobile phones, haha! (even though RJ’s phone is always open, and I know he doesn’t hide anything from me, not at all,  I’m also giving him his own private space to do his personal stuff like I also want to have my own privacy browsing, surfing, and chatting with family and old friends), our daily activities, family matters, and everything under the sun.

I myself prefer to live a private life but having a spouse, we must have to share our private life with them.

5. Your Loyalty- Well of course, when you get married, one very important factor is to always have a full loyalty to your husband/wife.

No more in-betweens. You have to surrender your self completely with your partner.

6. Your daily routine- Your usual schedule, things you do, places you go, your preference, habits, and others will change accordingly to blend with your partner.

My usual routine of getting up at 3PM every weekend surprisingly changed an hours earlier because I have to adjust in a way to meet my husband’s timetable. When I’m still living alone, I never cared about storing food at home or do a regular trip to the supermarket since I don’t cook at all. I woke up and eat whenever I want to and mostly, order food outside.

And yeah, getting married indeed will change our personality and perspectives.  Making marriage last requires both hard work and understanding for both the husband and wife. Time. Commitment. Loyalty. Trust.

Every decision, whether it’s about finances or family, have to be agreed and discussed with both parties in mind. You have to change. You have to compromise. You have to give your self completely. You have to think about the other, then surely you may have a simple- peaceful- happy life.

Reasons to Keep your Private Life, PRIVATE

Well, seriously, a private life is a happy life. With Modern technology fast approaching these days, and with the news spreads quickly through the internet, for the private and public individual, keeping a private life is a little bit difficult more than the previous days. 

Rather, should I say, it’s quite flattering that everyone has genuine interests to know each other’s whereabouts, what we do, what we work, what we share,  what is our recent relationship, how do we live and a lot more personal stuff?

More so, we add fuel to these ourselves by also sharing information about our personal stuff over the social media.

To be honest, it isn’t bad to share a few of our selected issues in social media, this is also one good way for everyone to know that we are still existing.

Not to mention that this is one of the easy ways to keep in touch with our family and long-lost friends.

But then, over-doing it by keeping your  daily life open in the public is 100% “MUST NOT.”

It’s still better to keep our life away from the limelight. That way, we will also minimize third-party to butt-in our personal struggles.

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Reasons why?

1. A private life is a happy life- In the sense that we do not have to engage ourselves with all the unnecessary dramas, chaos, and gossips that has nothing to do with our lives or to people/things that are none of our business. Moreover,  our daily life would not be totally exposed to everyone and be the target of anyone’s gossip.

2. We do not keep our life open for everyone to see. To live in private. Love in private. Keep everything we do in private. Then we could also manage our losses in private and rebuild ourselves in private.

3. Nothing good will ever come out by sharing our sentiments in public. Sharing our recent heartbreak, swearings, bad-mouthing, hatreds will only lose our dignity. We are on the losing end,  the fact that we won’t be able to get any sincere sympathy from random people, rather, we would only give people them the opportunity to dig in and add salt to our injury.

How we do it?

1. Be boring- Definitely. If you don’t want people to know every little detail about you, BORE THEM TO DEATH. Do not provide information every single thing you do and will do in your life. Be a mystery. 

A person who retains a sense of mystery doesn’t engage in gossip, quietly progresses & does their thing without the need for an audience.

2. Oversharing –  Cmon, some people do this to gather some attention. –> this is why they labeled it as “Narcissist”–  a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. They want to be the center of attraction.

Sometimes I wonder why some people love to post everything on social media, from their injured toe to the faces inside the casket of their family who recently passed away, including their current thoughts, what to buy, what to eat, show off every little thing, talk about people, and a lot more non sense that shouldn’t be posted anyway?

3. We have to limit what we share- As we cannot totally ban ourselves from social media and the internet, we could at least limit what we share and save some private stuff to yourself.

I myself don’t consider myself unplugged from the social media. I consider myself private, but I do share some of my personal stuff in my own way.

It ’s only about setting your boundaries to a certain level.

Finding your way of sharing without having to feel like you are totally outcasted.

4. Keep a low key Life- By keeping a low key life and limiting information about ourselves, we also minimize other people the power to define who we are. We have to stop treating people like we owe them any explanations or details of what’s the latest issue in our life.

Sometimes we post things with the intention to spread our sentiments in order to reach our target.

5. Being confidential or off-the-record isn’t bad. It’s not because all your accomplishments are not posted on social media means it’s nothing. 

It’s not a sign of unhappiness. It’s just a sign of confidence and REAL contentment.