Tag: Thoughts&Inspirations

Reasons why it’s better not to be friends with your partner on Social Media

My husband and I have been married for over a year and a half now and despite the occasional arguments, I can say that we are doing fine.

For some reason, I realized it’s better not to be friends with your husband on Facebook. We were facebook friends since 2013 and have been constantly chatting, commenting and liking each other posts and photos back then until we became “we” but things will eventually change when you became increasingly attached to the person.

We are still happily married and we video call on a regular basis in between work breaks but when it comes to FB,  it’s better if we are just Friends of friends.

Tbh, I have no problem with being an active user especially to those people like us living abroad whose family and friends are not around and the only way we could update ourselves from the recent happenings is thru Social Media.

Facebook was once a place to post how you were feeling and where you were going to spend your holidays. Now, it’s sucking so much time from people’s lives and it may have a profound effect on marriages.

1. When your husband is literally an active user from sun-up to sun-down whenever they are not at work and I know how it feels to be annoyed when you get to see how they loved, liked, comment to all the other stuff on facebook including all the birthday greetings, anniversary greetings, congratulations, and yet wont bother to greet you in Social Media on your own Anniversary and your own birthday with the reasons that showing emotions on facebook in a post (even on that particular special occasion) is a waste of time.

2. Whenever they said that it’s a part of not cutting the thread with their friends by regularly communicating with them thru liking their posts and greetings totally suck when they never felt how personally overwhelming it is to be greeted in Social media by your own partner once in a while (with a little note of words of endearment) on your special day. The reasons they wouldn’t have to show their endearment even once is because you are together and this would only apply to those who are on an LDR basis is actually coldness from my point of view.  If you could post/greet all your family members and friends, why not your spouse? You don’t have to wait for your partner to live away or die in order for you to say once “Happy Birthday my dear husband/wife in heaven, just remember you are always loved by me, I wish you were still here.” 

3. You find them always on the page of their friends regularly and yet never bothers to look at what you have posted. This may seem simple and kinda childish but believe me, this really sucks.

I myself is not very active on FB and I do posts only during the special occasions as I don’t want myself to be always visible in anyone’s newsfeed but I do remember all these occasions and would exert a little effort to write a little note of acknowledgment to the people I love, plus, we are in this era where media platforms are accessible, so why not even sometimes?

In order not to be pissed with these reasons in one way or another, I decided to unfriend my husband and be totally unplugged with each other on Social Media, and live like the way it was before when Social Media is not yet a thing and personal communication is better, oh well just for us because I won’t ban him from using it outside.

On a General Note: Sure, Facebook makes connecting with new and old friends around the world easier than ever but it also makes it easier to disconnect from the person that matters most: your spouse.

1. Watching other couples’ PDA on Facebook makes some feel inadequate about your own relationships.

2. Oversharing can cause major arguments.

3. Couples check Social Media instead of checking in on each other.

4. Family and friends who continue to interact with exes can drive a wedge between couples.

5. Friend requests from old flames can lead to affairs.

6. Checking Social Media before bed can put a damper on intimacy and affect sleep. 

My thoughts about it.

A Married Life

You may not notice it at the beginning, but there are some surprising changes that will happen in our lives once we get married. 

Spending more than a decade of living away, it is natural to seek belongingness outside your comfort zone: friends, activities, hobbies, leisure, pleasure, travel, splurging and a lot more. More so, when you get used to your independence, you might not want anyone to control your life (I’ve had my share of stubbornness, inability to trust, insensitiveness, shortcomings, playing around and the likes) but that will surely change once you tied the knots.

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And here’s the list of changes that I have experienced.

1. Your Surname- Of course, the most obvious one.

2. Your time, commitment & priorities –  At this time you will find yourself putting your spouse who is now your family on top of everything and everyone else.

As for me, I would rather spend my time cuddling with husband on weekends, cleaning and arranging our small household, preparing home-cooked meals together (oh well, like what I’ve posted on my IG, who needs to dine out when you’ve got the best Chef at home named RJ, haha!), watch TV, and other stuff rather than my usual going out with friends on weekends or staying up late outside the night before.

You are more likely to go out with the husband alone or you would take your partner with you if you are hanging out with friends.

On a larger scale, this is the time when you set your priorities straight. Looking forward to more comprehensive goals together. A more detailed outlook. Your goals become their goals, and their goals become your goals, your dreams become their dreams and their dreams become yours shared together to achieve one steady output.

3. Your Money- You will start spending money in a different way now. You would not splurge like the way you do when you are single. You will learn how to control your spending habits and more likely to budget your individual expenses and buy only the necessary needs for the household and important expenses. More so, you will both work on how to save money for the future.

I would rather prepare food and eat at home with the husband. I don’t splash or have a sudden outburst on unnecessary leisure, pleasure, and extravagance anymore but rather learned how to spend wisely and with limitation.

4. No more secrets- Yeah, when you get married, this is no time for hiding secrets.  You have to reveal your real self, good or bad attitude, even those shameful ones, your habits, your weaknesses towards certain things, how would you like your food to be done, your eating and sleeping habits, your tantrums, likes and dislikes.

We started laying our lives on the table for the other to peek in. We never hide anything from each other even past stories, past relationships, past mistakes, future dreams, even our mobile phones, haha! (even though RJ’s phone is always open, and I know he doesn’t hide anything from me, not at all,  I’m also giving him his own private space to do his personal stuff like I also want to have my own privacy browsing, surfing, and chatting with family and old friends), our daily activities, family matters, and everything under the sun.

I myself prefer to live a private life but having a spouse, we must have to share our private life with them.

5. Your Loyalty- Well of course, when you get married, one very important factor is to always have a full loyalty to your husband/wife.

No more in-betweens. You have to surrender your self completely with your partner.

6. Your daily routine- Your usual schedule, things you do, places you go, your preference, habits, and others will change accordingly to blend with your partner.

My usual routine of getting up at 3PM every weekend surprisingly changed an hours earlier because I have to adjust in a way to meet my husband’s timetable. When I’m still living alone, I never cared about storing food at home or do a regular trip to the supermarket since I don’t cook at all. I woke up and eat whenever I want to and mostly, order food outside.

And yeah, getting married indeed will change our personality and perspectives.  Making marriage last requires both hard work and understanding for both the husband and wife. Time. Commitment. Loyalty. Trust.

Every decision, whether it’s about finances or family, have to be agreed and discussed with both parties in mind. You have to change. You have to compromise. You have to give your self completely. You have to think about the other, then surely you may have a simple- peaceful- happy life.

Stop Being Irritable

Okay, Okay, I get it! I get so grumpy at times! There are some things that would make me dyspeptic quickly. I do get to the point where my tolerance level becomes so low and I would likely to become a little bit aggressive and start ranting.

At home, or even at work.

Irritability is something that we all experience from time to time. When we feel irritated, we are more likely to bark at the people around us. I get easily irritated by little things, well I guess the perks of having OC problems.

I admit I get annoyed even with small things that actually could be shrugged- off easily if I handle my anger management properly. Like the simple dirt at home or a messy bed, garbage thrown somewhere, wet towels thrown somewhere, un refilled water containers in the fridge, dusty shelves, and cupboards, unorganized shoe-rack, dirty shoes inside the room, clothes hanged in different hangers or direction or even an unkempt laundry, I want them to be neatly folded inside the hamper. Yeah, my OC problems! Haha, poor RJ, the husband, who’s always the recipient of all these grouchiness.

I rattle quickly at work whenever I have pendings to be done and I want to do it as fast and as perfect as I could, even spacing on my letters and emails should be the same. I want my work to be done one at a time in a very organized manner without anyone disturbing me. If I want to do something, I have to do it right away or this will bother me until I start doing it.

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Not to mention that I couldn’t work in a messy Office. I have to work and organize things at the same time.

The same manner whenever I’m in charge of cooking at home, (that once a week schedule when RJ is working on an afternoon shift), I cook and wash the utensils at the same time, leaving everything tidy just as I finished my cooking.

These things when not done properly irritates me fast.

To reduce my mood swings, I compiled some of these easy steps to follow:

Quick ways to stop being irritable:

1. Check the source- What are the things that make you irritable and start addressing it.

2. Get rid of it- Whenever you are exasperated, take an hour walk. Go for a leisure walk to catch some fresh air. This will definitely improve our mood.

3. Alone Time- Find a quiet place to sit and relax. Listen to music and meditate.

4. Get proper rest – Lack of sleep often derives us to become angry than usual. Make sure to get a night of proper sleep at least 8 hours a day, and for a sleepy head like me, ten hours is much better!

5. Reduce caffeine and alcohol – Cut back the over-consumption of coffee and alcohol cause this may cause a negative effect in our mood and other risks.

6. Being Loved- Of course getting a hug/kiss by someone who cares about you is more than enough. To know that there is someone out there who truly cares and won’t aggravate you more since irritability activates our fighting glands instead will give you the comfort you need to go back to your normal system.

And though at times I  tend to put my anger on my husband with silly things like the simple household fights which are all petty quarrels,  I have this attitude that I only have to express my anger right away,  and with a deep breath after spilling it out, everything would be back to normal.

Taken from my Tumblr- written in 2018

How to Live a Happy Life

Okay, we get it, no matter what our age is, what is our current status in life, how much money we have saved, our marital status, our accomplishments,  each and every one of us wants to live a productive, successful, happy and peaceful life.

As we get older, we tend to realize that Money can’t buy happiness, not always. More often, the best things in life are always free.

Happiness starts from ourselves. Happiness starts with the basic things in life that we do from our usual routine.

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1. Respect-  Find respect from yourself first. Be good about yourself and the things you do. Do not ask for respect. Some people will, some others won’t, but the thing here is if you know that you are doing what is right, what is best, what is acceptable then that’s the best respect you could ever get.

2. Respect others- Respect people like how you would like to be respected because respect is reflected. Stop being a “narcissist” that everything should only revolve around you. Have a genuine interest in other people’s lives, and not only about you. Be a good person, Be truthful, be transparent, be caring. 

3. Self-confidence- Believe in your self. Lack of self-confidence is one of the obstacles to living a happy life. But then, there’s a huge difference between being confident to being a  total narcissist. 

A woman who retains a genuine self-confidence doesn’t show -off every little detail of her life in public, rather, does her thing privately without the intention to attract audiences.

4. Commit yourself- No matter what you do, you have to give it to your best shot. Commit yourself. By giving your 100%,  you will always find new ways to improve and more chance to enhance and develop yourself.

Commit yourself to only one. This is also one important factor to live a happy life.

To be honest, you don’t cheat anyone by chance, you cheat them by your own choice. This act of dishonesty to gain something for your own advantage.

Whether a friend, a colleague, a family, a relationship.

And more often, a person who engages themselves to cheat is always the one to regret later on.

5. Be grateful. Big or small accomplishments. Be grateful, even just for the air we breathe.

6. Seek and give kindness to everyone-  Not everyone is perfect. All of us can be good in one thing and bad on the other thing. It’s just a matter of appreciation. 

7. Balance Lifestyle-  Everyone needs some time away. Definitely, any personal issues may get to your nerves that might affect your productivity. Spend some time away from work. Occasional travel is an option.

8. Don’t hold grudges-  Holding grudges for a very long time definitely may block yourself from being happy. Life surely is better without keeping pain in our hearts. Learn to forget. We may not always forgive, but at least we could forget.

9. Live. We cannot change the past and more so we have no hold of the future. Just live today. Enjoy and be thankful for everything we’ve got.

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10. And lastly, what else do you need if you’ve got all the simplest but the best things in life that would make anyone happy? A faithful partner in life who’s there with you to achieve your dreams, looking  forward to the future  with the same goal, same priorities, and same outlook,  a family who will always be there at your side, few real good friends in good times and bad times, health, career, silence, privacy, a roof above our head, food in our table, air to breathe and a life that Our Almighty God has given us.

Reasons to Keep your Private Life, PRIVATE

Well, seriously, a private life is a happy life. With Modern technology fast approaching these days, and with the news spreads quickly through the internet, for the private and public individual, keeping a private life is a little bit difficult more than the previous days. 

Rather, should I say, it’s quite flattering that everyone has genuine interests to know each other’s whereabouts, what we do, what we work, what we share,  what is our recent relationship, how do we live and a lot more personal stuff?

More so, we add fuel to these ourselves by also sharing information about our personal stuff over the social media.

To be honest, it isn’t bad to share a few of our selected issues in social media, this is also one good way for everyone to know that we are still existing.

Not to mention that this is one of the easy ways to keep in touch with our family and long-lost friends.

But then, over-doing it by keeping your  daily life open in the public is 100% “MUST NOT.”

It’s still better to keep our life away from the limelight. That way, we will also minimize third-party to butt-in our personal struggles.

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Reasons why?

1. A private life is a happy life- In the sense that we do not have to engage ourselves with all the unnecessary dramas, chaos, and gossips that has nothing to do with our lives or to people/things that are none of our business. Moreover,  our daily life would not be totally exposed to everyone and be the target of anyone’s gossip.

2. We do not keep our life open for everyone to see. To live in private. Love in private. Keep everything we do in private. Then we could also manage our losses in private and rebuild ourselves in private.

3. Nothing good will ever come out by sharing our sentiments in public. Sharing our recent heartbreak, swearings, bad-mouthing, hatreds will only lose our dignity. We are on the losing end,  the fact that we won’t be able to get any sincere sympathy from random people, rather, we would only give people them the opportunity to dig in and add salt to our injury.

How we do it?

1. Be boring- Definitely. If you don’t want people to know every little detail about you, BORE THEM TO DEATH. Do not provide information every single thing you do and will do in your life. Be a mystery. 

A person who retains a sense of mystery doesn’t engage in gossip, quietly progresses & does their thing without the need for an audience.

2. Oversharing –  Cmon, some people do this to gather some attention. –> this is why they labeled it as “Narcissist”–  a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. They want to be the center of attraction.

Sometimes I wonder why some people love to post everything on social media, from their injured toe to the faces inside the casket of their family who recently passed away, including their current thoughts, what to buy, what to eat, show off every little thing, talk about people, and a lot more non sense that shouldn’t be posted anyway?

3. We have to limit what we share- As we cannot totally ban ourselves from social media and the internet, we could at least limit what we share and save some private stuff to yourself.

I myself don’t consider myself unplugged from the social media. I consider myself private, but I do share some of my personal stuff in my own way.

It ’s only about setting your boundaries to a certain level.

Finding your way of sharing without having to feel like you are totally outcasted.

4. Keep a low key Life- By keeping a low key life and limiting information about ourselves, we also minimize other people the power to define who we are. We have to stop treating people like we owe them any explanations or details of what’s the latest issue in our life.

Sometimes we post things with the intention to spread our sentiments in order to reach our target.

5. Being confidential or off-the-record isn’t bad. It’s not because all your accomplishments are not posted on social media means it’s nothing. 

It’s not a sign of unhappiness. It’s just a sign of confidence and REAL contentment.

On the rebound

Have you ever been on a rebound relationship? 

You might be considered one when you get involved with someone who had just ended a previous relationship. When someone is just rebounding, most probably they only needed an emotional attachment, someone to confide with during the process of recovering from heartaches and they usually mistake this emotional connection to new-love.

Either way, being on the receiving end of this kind of relationship is definitely an extreme emotional torture. More often, you are likely to be in the uncomfortable position competing with the remains of the past relationship and wondering if the new relationship is enough to provide fulfillment. In addition to that, you are more likely to take place of what is only left behind, you are basically there to mitigate the hurt, the pain, you are just an outlet, or cover up, which is a very awful feeling.

How does it feel to be one?

1. You never get the confidence and assurance of their Love.

2. You see the difference in attitude and affection that is totally different from how they treat you compared to how they were on the previous one.

3. You see them flare-up fast by anything related to their past, a name, a place, a situation, and even someone else’s stories similar to them hurt them still.

4. The amount of effort is different for you.

It’s really very awful to be in that situation, really, You may have the tendency to lose your confidence and label yourself as the “covering hole.”

It’s really hard to dig inside the person who has been deeply hurt. A person in this situation should get over the previous feeling before jumping to a new one.

But as unfair they might say, focusing on someone new can help a person recover from a break-up. This does not necessarily mean that the new relationship is valued less than the previous one. In fact, the new relationship can prove to have far greater worth than the previous relationship since it is through the comparison of need satisfaction that fulfillment is judged. The time between relationships is not necessary for psychological well-being. People need connection, and moving on can help you get over what has to be left behind…

When you Lose yourself

Almost three years ago, after everything I’ve been through, I came one morning in the office and while looking at the pile of papers I have to work on, I suddenly realized a few things. And this is what I exactly wrote;

1. I felt rejected.

2. I enjoyed too much.

3. So many things undone.

4. Time to get serious.

 * I felt rejected in the sense that I’m trying my hard damned best to fit in the world that I do not belong…and literally turned myself to someone that isn’t me.

* I enjoyed too much of a little bit of everything. Enjoyed my life I forgot the real goal, my purpose, and priorities in life. I settled for less. I settled for an instant. Something that is within my reach. Then I ended up with nothing.

As I crossed the path of life,  I have met and interacted with different kinds of people. From short to long relationships. From something just out of my plain curiosity to something I just wanna try, from things I wanna try out of stupidity, or out of pity, to something that has only become a challenge to me.

I didn’t go in a straight line direct to my destination but I went left and right turn, crossed every corner to corners, got tired of the long way, made a U-turn and came back, and returned…and so on, my journey became longer and longer than expected.

* And left so many things undone. I have failed to follow my timetable. I have failed to do what I’m supposed to be done.

I remember my 2011 Birthday with  AG Family while blowing the cake, I whispered these words as my wish;

FAMILY

CAREER

LIFE

RELATIONSHIP

FUTURE

– as my deep-set priorities. But unfortunately, out of bad-luck or series of wrong decisions, I never fulfill some of them like the way I wanted to be accordingly.

* Time to get serious. Serious in the sense that I should stay away from the things that only challenge me even though I won’t get any benefit from it. Be with the right company.

BECAUSE BAD COMPANY CORRUPTS GOOD MIND.

But I never said, Im that good… (but I’m not bad either), just be with the right people. Enjoy but enjoy with limitations.

End of Blog.

“ You may wake up one day and find you don’t recognize the person you see in the mirror. Or sometimes, it happens gradually, day by day, you can feel yourself growing more distant from who you really are.

You may lose interest in the things you used to love, or you may find yourself utilizing other interests. You may find yourself feeling more fearless than ever before, or all you may want to do is hide away until these feelings pass.

You may want to live on the wild side for a while, going out and partying. Or, you may wish for your blankets to swallow you whole, until you disappear into the darkness.

You may feel as though you can’t fully grasp anything: the thoughts that swirl around in your brain or the emotions that tug at your heart. You may feel like things are fleeting: one second you’re sad, the next you’re super energetic.

You may feel these highs and lows more intensely than ever before. You may feel a little bit crazy, or like you can’t control anything anymore. You might start to wonder why you are the way you are, or why you’re doing the things you do.

And the truth is: you don’t really have a solid answer. You’re simply floating: outside of yourself, above the world, you were once apart of.

You’re here, but you’re not really here anymore. It’s almost as if your body decided to pack up and move on but no one told your mind yet.

Or perhaps it’s the other way around for you. Maybe you’re so tired that you can’t even imagine moving your body, but you can’t shut your mind off.

Or maybe you don’t feel anything at all. Maybe you’re numb, and you’ve gotten used to the idea of numbness. Of not feeling or thinking or doing.

Or maybe you have changed so much that you’re used to this new lifestyle. That newness can be addicting, as can the idea of rebelling against yourself. Leading a new life or pretending to be someone you’re not can really be intoxicating since it allows you to escape. Escape from your issues or run away from the world for a bit.

And who could blame you? Sometimes it’s easier to pretend not to care or put up a wall to block everything out. But deep down, you care too much and feel too deeply.

It’s harder for you because you feel these things so intensely and that pain can be so extreme that it hurts you all the way down to your soul.

You might feel like you don’t know up from down or that you don’t know which way is right. You may feel like time is going to slow or slip away. You might be on an emotional rollercoaster or feel uninspired and unmotivated.

All of this is completely normal. I can’t give you a play-by-play for how your life is going to go from here on out, but what I can say is that things do change and things will get better.

Hang on and take it easy. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re doing the best you can right now.

And that is enough, I promise you.”

How to cope up with break ups

Either a week long, a  month-long,  or a year-long relationship you were into, definitely, breakups is a terrible feeling and truly a heartache. Most probably, it will not only leave you devastated at that particular time, but it could also make you physically ill.

Even if the relationship wasn’t that great, you will still find yourself pondering to what went wrong, whose fault, what could have happened if you’ve done differently and so on and so forth.

Painful breakups may cloud your rational thinking. The first thing you would find very hard to tolerate is the grieving period. The beginning. The time when you have to start from scratch.That no matter how much you have already accepted your fate, there is still the grieving period, the abandonment period, the feelings of rejection, the feeling of not being good enough, the steps on how to start from being WE to being ME.

How could we cope up with breakups? Whether you initiated the breaking up or you were abandoned first, the most important thing is to treat yourself well during this period.

We all know that “Time heal all wounds”, but don’t ever forget that before you reach that point of being already moved-on, there is something we call,  a time-in-between that is RIGHT NOW. The time when you get to drown yourself in pity trying to figure out what went wrong and there’s nothing wrong with that.

You cannot speed up the process but at least, you have to consider some useful beginner-steps on how and where to start;

Write your thoughts about it. Write a lot about your pain. About your agony. Pain demands to be felt as the old cliche says. Feel it. Deal with it. Enjoy it. Until you no longer care.

Talk about it. having someone to cry with is better than crying alone in the middle of the night. If you want to sit, cry, ponder or whatever,  do it. Talking about it with your friends and feel bad about yourself is a great way to overcome it.

Be active. Slowly try to be active and go on daily exercises. It will slowly boost your mood and lower your stress level. A good functioning mind can make you think better.

Improve yourself and look better. Work a little harder on your physical looks. Get your hair trimmed, color a bit, a little facial,  treat yourself to a nice massage. 

Eat, but do not overeat, Do not make extra eating habits as a way to cope up with a break-up. It will definitely not work out. 

Travel and explore. But if you have no means to splurge on costly traveling, there’s a lot of alternatives to do. Travel with a minimum cost. Like going out in the woods, mountains, picnics, long walks,  beaches nearby.

Or Walk and explore! –> Way better than anything else. Enjoy some quality time alone. Look around. Take a lot of pictures. Do the thing that scares you. I love it!

Think and focus on all the good qualities you have. Rediscover yourself! You are way better than anyone else. Turn your loss to a learning lesson. Be positive. Have a good outlook on life. Do little things that make you feel good. Even the simplest thing. Laugh a lot. Give yourself a break!

Will not guarantee a fast recovery for these, but sure it will help. It’s really acceptable to drown yourself in pity for days, or weeks or months, but not for so long.

Coz sooner or later, a friend who’s always there to listen will eventually get pissed-off the same old story. 

So try to help your self. Give yourself the power to control your thoughts and your feelings over the time, because nothing stays the same forever, no pain will be there for the rest of your life, you will soon get over it.

You will do just fine…don’t worry.